You Know You're Fat When...

How does that expression go? 'You know you're fat when you can't fit in your old pair of jeans' or something like that. Well I'd like to propose a new expression. A much more accurate acid test for knowing when you're fat. Ready...

You know you're fat when... your're parents call you fat. :|

That's right, when you're parents call you fat, you KNOW you're fat. And guess what, I'm fat! Well my parents said it, so I've gotta be, right. You know, those same people that raised me, are supposed to love and support me no matter what. That's right, point blanc, no warning, they just put it out there...

OK, so I know I'm not really fat. Maybe I gained a little weight over the past year, but come on... what do you expect? A year at Uni living off of junk food (I didn't live out though... if I did then my parents would DEFINITELY have a point) can be a little unforgiving on the waistline. And it's not like I've been oblivious to the situation... I have a nice pair of jeans that I used to wear all the time that has been gathering dust in my cupboard for about 6 months now. But what can I do... I go on the treadmill, but I just can't cut down on the food. I love food too much, and you know what? Food loves me! It's a beautiful relationship we share (the antithesis of my hate-hate relationship with the treadmill). Food is my friend. A good Muslim never abandons a real friend, so unfortunately mum and dad, you're gonna have to get used to a plumper me for a while. How long is a while? Well, until it's time for me to get married of course ;).

And I'm not hating on my parents, they're only looking out for me. But mannn, how about looking out for my ego from time to time?

What I'll Write About

OK the title's pretty self-explanatory, I think I can just jump straight in there with this one.

1) I'll write about Islam. All the time. But I'm in no position to discuss matters of fiqh or give personal interpretations or reasonings. I will post some fatawaa and rulings now and then, but always with the link/source I received it from. All that I'll contribute is maybe a quick summary or why it makes sense to me, etc. (I'm not even sure if I'm technically allowed to do that, I'll try and get in touch with a shaykh and find out). Although I think I should make it clear that this blog isn't a religious one, it's just gonna be me commentating on loads of different (general) topics.

2) Food. I love food. To be more specific I mean desserts, but I love allllll food. I'll talk about this all the time too, and post loads of mouth-watering pictures.

3) Current affairs. Anything I see on the news that I feel like commenting on.

4) My life. It's not too interesting, but everyone has stories and experiences to share. I'll spice them up a bit too, don't worry I'll try my best to keep you entertained :).

5) Other random things that I feel like writing about. My interests, something interesting I heard, etc.

I want whoever reads my blog to go away afterwards having learnt something new, or at the very least feeling a bit entertained (preferably both). Up to now it's all sounded pretty dry, I'm still tryna get used to it and feel a bit more comfortable. I'm getting there...

FB

I'm sick of FB. I'm gonna quit. It causes waaay too much drama and they're so invasive. But not yet. Let's get this blog rolling first, and then I'll have something more productive that I can substitute in FB's place.

Followers

I've done so much writing so far, and no one's actually following me. How sad. A catch-22 really. I need someone following me right now to tell me how to get followers, but then I don't have any followers in the first place. What to do...

Anonymity

I guess this really should have been part of the last post, but I thought it was important enough to command one on its own. I'm gonna try my best to remain totally anonymous (well I may tell a few people so I can get started off, but not enough so that I'll need 2 hands to count them!). I wanna do this cos I realised (mainly with experience on FB) that waaaaay too many problems arise from all these online forms of socialising and whatever. Also, this way I can get a bit more personal about what I write. I wrote a note once on FB (one of those '25 Things No One Knows About You' chain notes), which I was really proud of, but then I regretted it because of how much I revealed. So to prevent that from happening again, I'm not gonna revel my real name, or the real names of people I mention that I interact with, and if necessary I won't name real places either. I can already foresee problems with this though, and hope I manage to maintain it. Oh, and yesterday when I decided to make a blog I had loads of crazy fantasies of me becoming some huge internet blogging phenomenon who's identity remains unknown to all his readers. InshaAllah :).

Why?

I guess a good starting point would be to say why I'm starting a blog, and lay down the way in which I plan to do this thing. The why's are as follows:

1) I love writing. I enjoyed it at school, despite all the deadlines and how repetitive it would become. But this is a different kind of writing, I can just write what I want, you don't know who I am, I don't have to follow any silly rules about structure or grammar, I can just write.

2) This is gonna be cathartic for me. I can express my ideas, say what's on my mind, and let out whatever's really bothering me. You may be thinking 'why don't you just write something like a diary instead then?'. Good question. But writing a diary gets boring, I've tried a few times before and never stick to it. I need an audience. How else will I satisfy my ego? :).

3) My sister always tells me to write one so that she can read it. My blog is therefore in part dedicated to her (I'm so selfless..).

OK, so now the rules and what you can expect..

1) I don't wanna use too many big words or write all sophisticated and what not. I guess I talk like that at times in real life, but I prefer just talking like a normal person. Plus it always annoys me when people do it, as if they're showing off their intelligence, or have no idea what point they're making so instead mask it with big fancy words. But it'll happen at times, I go through phases.

2) I'll try to not use too much slang, but it'll inevitably come out. I don't wanna say something in my head and write it out differently to how I thought it, because then it just wouldn't be MY blog. I'll make a glossary post or page at some point, so don't worry about it :).

3) I'm gonna use some other informal language too, like gonna, kinda, wanna, etc. Just because I've noticed that when I type online it just comes out like that.

4) I'll use a lot of commas. I can't help it, I've always done it. They won't be in the wrong places though.

5) Some of my posts will be pretty long. I've always has a problem with writing too much (when I was 7 in year 3 I wrote a 5-page poem on the colour blue. My parents still repeat that story to me over and over again). I'll try to keep most of them short and snappy, but sometimes I'll ramble and sometimes what I write will be deserving of a few extra lines.

6) I have no problem starting my sentences with words like but, and, etc. Some people care, others don't. I don't.

7) I might sound a bit whiny at times (I don't think so, but let me cover myself just in case). Forgive me. I can't help it.

8) I'll use smileys and the word lol often. Without it, the tone of what I write may often be misunderstood.

9) Please, please, pleeeease, I need whoever happens to be reading this to understand that whenever I sounds arrogant, whiny, dramatic, etc., that I'm actually just JOKING! A lot of people in my everyday life don't seem to get that. I've grown to live with it, but it doesn't mean I don't mind it. Pleeeease understand this, and then maybe you can read my blog and laugh a little and not just think I'm a loser and start hating me.

I'm gonna be really pedantic about all the points I've just listed. If I post something, and then 4 months late I realise there was a typo, or that I didn't throw in a comma, I'll edit that post.

OK, I think that's everything.

The Beginning

Innal-hamdu Lillaah. Al-hamdu Lillaahi nahmaduhu wa nasta’eenahu wa nastaghfiruhu, wa na’oodhu billaahi min shuroori anfusinaa wa min sayi’aati a’maalinaa. Man yahdih Illaahu falaa mudilla lahu wa man yudlil falaa haadiya lahu. Wa ashhadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wahdahu la sharika lahu, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan ‘abduhu wa rasooluhu sallalahu alayhi wa ala alihi wasallam wa ba’ad.

(Indeed, all praise is due to Allah. All praise is due to Allah, we seek His help and His forgiveness, we seek refuge with Allah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allah leaves astray, no one can guide. And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, the One, having no partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him and his family).

And with that, I begin my blog :).